Please use this blog to:

1. Refresh your knowledge of Hilchos Kibbud Av V'Aim
2. Share insight and meaningful anectodes with others (Chicken Soup for the Soul - Style)
3. Add practical ideas, suggestions and lessons on how to enhance this Mitzva
4. Read the posts and get inspired
5. Use the forum to get, or give, advice on any Kibbud Av V'Aim question you might have
6. Strengthen your observance of this Mitzvah for Sruly's Zchus

Sunday, June 13, 2010

we should hear more pe'su'ros to'vos

Friday, June 11, 2010

Super News

I was just in the hospital and saw Sruli, (Rabbi Yisrael Chanowitz) just as he came out of surgery. He was talking and very animated. He seemed to be on a high, kind of like someone who comes in first at a triathilon. He kissed me twice, once for myself and once for my brother, Benzy (Rabbi Chanowitz of Monticello).

He took hold of a cell phone and spoke to his sister Simie Shtrocks from BC and wished her well.

He wished my father a refuah Shleima.

He had some pain in his shoulder, but seemed to experience a euphoria, seemingly from the miracle of having made it through a successful surgery.

I would like to thank all the people that davened for my brother, especially for the yeshiva Ohr Somayach that had a Tehillim vigil last night.

There has been an outpouring of concern and support from family, friends, and Sruli,s fan club from around the world, which is very heartwarming

Please continue saying tehillim, to thank Hashem for this miracle and to ask Hashem to ease my brother's recuperation

Gutt Shabbos

Moishe L. Chanowitz

Good Job... Let's go veiter!

I dont have any cents to throw in but just few Polish kopeks.

There is this famous (Polish) Shlomo story about about R'Avrohom Borenstein of Sochachev, Avnei Nezer.
He was an amazing genius in Torah and when he was only 13 he married the heilige Kotzker rebbe's daughter. Nebach, year later he fell critically ill.
The situation looked very very bleak so his father went to the Kotzker to beg for a prayer.
He said " Rebbe, I am so worried about my son. Please daven for him. You know how much Torah he's learned and I m sure if you remind the Heavens of it he ll be found worthy to live".
But the Kotzker only answered - You call it "learned"? He has learned nothing, he has done nothing. Nothing!!!
The Sochachover's father could not believe what he is hearing and said "But Rebbe, I dont know what you mean. My son is only 14 and he s already learned all the Torah by heart."
But the Kotzker just shook his head and kept repeating "Nothing!". There was just no way to get the Kotzker to change his mind.
Few days later the miracle happened. The Sochatchover recovered completely. His father was filled with joy but still that meeting with the Kotzker troubled him a lot. So he said to his son " You know your father-in-law is a very holy person and the great rebbe but I just dont understand. When you were ill I went to him and tried to get him to daven for you, to speak on your behalf in the higher echelons. But whenever I tried to remind him of all the Torah you ve learned and all the mitzvos you ve done that should make you surely worthy of yeshuah, he wouldnt listen and he would just repeat - this all is nothing, nothing at all!"
The Sochachover laughed "Gevalt, father, is the Kotzker holy!, Gevalt, is he wise! You thought that by praising me you would help me. But really the opposite was true. You see, every person is in this world to do one tikkun, one special fixing. And once he is done there is no need for him to stay in the Olam Hazeh.
My father-in-law knew that if I had already learned everything I was supposed to then there was no way of saving me. So when he was saying - it's nothing - he was really speaking to Heaven saying - R Avrohom has only begun to accomplish his task. His work isnt finished - he has so much more to learn. Zisse Tate Melech, You have to give him more time.
And this, Father, is what saved my life"

Rabbi Chanowitz,
Yes, you have touched many lives (including mine).
Yes, your kiyum mitzvas kibud av v'eim is something we should all learn from.
Yes you ve been an inspiration.
You merely scratched the surface. There is so much more to do.
So yes, nice, very good job so far and let's go veiter.

gut shabbes

mati kos
the chief rabbi of the polish minority in exile... or at least somewhere there.

ps ah yes please add gateshead england to the world list of places being mispalel for you.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Inspiration from you

Dear Sruly, Chany, Chaya, Esty and Sara,

We here in Boulder Colorado are thinking of you and Davening for you along with people around the world. I just got off with Argentina and the Yeshiva there will be davening as well. Iyh, we are sure that everything will go well and we will be able to celebrate a Seudas Hodoah together. As a younger sister, I have watched the way you treat and honor Deddy and Mommy. No little small or big thing is too much for you. I can't believe how many times you made the trek from Monsey to Brooklyn so that you could be there. You are an inspiration.

If we can help in any way, please tell us.

Love the Scheiner families

Opportunity of a Lifetime

Dearest Sruly and Chany and family

In your special zchus, i will humbly add my 2cents, (canadian) to this wonderful blog.

As you all know, my Mother just passed away. I want to share a short anecdote with the moral on Kibbud Av V'aim being JUST DO THE BEST YOU CAN. NOW.

About fourteen years ago, I had told Moishe, that i want to do anything and everything for my mother, and hoped that I would never have any regrets. Moishe had said that no matter what, I will still feel guilty afterwards for some-thing or another.

Indeed, over the next fourteen years, Hashem helped me and my family fulfill this, and we went to great lengths to give her the utmost honor, care and respect.

Sure enough, after my mother was niftar, I thought about it, and realized that Moishe was right. I did find some things to feel guilty about, despite all my best dedicated efforts to honor, respect and care for her in the best possible way. I am still so grateful for all we were able to do, and the way we did it.

As Zaidy Chanowitz says, "Capture the opportunity of a lifetime, in the lifetime of the opportunity."

We wish everyone, arichus yomim veshanim tovos always and only, with simcha bituv levov

Esther Chanowitz

Short Story - Rabbi Tarfon

 Rabbi Tarfon's mother once walked in her garden and her sandal split so that she would have to walk home barefoot. Rabbi Tarfon kept stretching his hands under her feet and she walked over them all the way. One day he was ill and his colleagues came to visit him. His mother then said to them: "Pray for my son Rabbi Tarfon, for he honors me more than is my due."
"What has he done to you?" they asked. She told them what happened. They replied:
"If he had done to you thousands times more, he would not have done half of the honor enjoined in the Torah!" [Yerushalmi, ibid. See also Kidushin 31b.]

meaning in the effort

I receive daily inspirational emails. I received this one today and am sharing it with all of you.
Kibud av vaem can sometimes be a tall order (and other times sheer pleasure). I was hoping you might gain something from this in regards to kibud av vaem or any other area of you life.

Meaning in the effort
Because there is darkness, light has value. Because of the challenges, the rewards have meaning.
The essence of great art is in the authentic physical, mental and spiritual effort that creates it. If it were easy, instant and free, no one would care about it.

When the path becomes steep, that's no reason to despair. For it means you are making progress and nearing the top.

Do you find yourself wishing that life could be easier? Take that as your prompting to go out and make it more meaningful.

Because a life free of effort is not really what you want. What you really want is for every effort to bring a meaningful sense of fulfillment.

When your purpose is clear and honestly you, everything is an opportunity. Feel the beauty of that purpose, and eagerly greet whatever may come.

-- Ralph Marston

Honoring Parents also applies to the "Have Not's"

Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai is of the opinion that G-d attaches greater importance to the honoring of parents than to honoring Himself: G-d is honored "with your substance," (Prov. 3:9) i.e., with that what He has graciously bestowed on man. If you have substance you are obligated to set apart tithes, to care for the poor and hungry, to purchase religious articles, etc.; and if you have not, you are not obligated to any of them. But when it comes to honoring parents, whether you have the means or not -- "Honor your father and your mother," even if you have to beg your living from door to door! [Yerushalmi, ibid.].

Father's Day

While secular and a MASSIVE understatement of the true appreciation that one should have for their parents is Mother's day and Father's day. This years mother's day has come and gone, but Father's day is still around the corner. It is June 20th for those of you not keeping track.

I am not sure what I will be doing yet to honor my father and grandfather on this day other than to call them. I would like to see them together as they happen to on the East coast this year.


Dear all;
Thank you very much for rooting for me!
I hope we all learn allot from this blog and never need to do this for you!
May Hashem help us all collectively and respectively to be M'Chazek the world around us.
Then by connecting the dots of the Achdus of all the people from around the world who are being Mispallel for me, May we be Zoche to Yeshuas Hashem K'Heref Ayin! The real Yeshuah is with the coming of Moshiach!
I Love You All!
Chizku V'Yaamtzu Livavchem!
Gut Shabbos!
Yisroel Chanowitz

YU Torah Online : Kibud Av V'em (Rabbi Yonason Sacks)

YU Torah Online : Kibud Av V'em (Rabbi Yonason Sacks)

Childrens Audio Story File about Honoring Parents

Some Basic Laws Of “Kibbud Av Va-Em”

  1. One must be extremely careful to honor and revere his father and mother, for the Torah compares it to the honor and reverence of G-d.
  2. Both man and woman are enjoined to honor and revere parents. However, a married woman is not in a position to supply her parents with their needs inasmuch as she depends on others, and she is therefore exempt thereof. But she is obligated to do for her parents all she can as long as her husband does not object.
  3. One must honor and respect his step-mother during his father's lifetime and his step-father during his mother's lifetime. It is proper that one honor and respect them even after the death of one's own parents.
  4. One must honor and respect his father-in-law and his mother-in-law (as we find that King David honored King Saul, who was his father- in-law, by calling him "my father"; see I Samuel 24:12). Likewise one must honor and respect grandparents. Also implied in thisMitzvah is that one must honor his elder brother and sister.
  5. If the father or mother is asleep and the key to one's store lies under their pillow, one must not waken them even if he should loose much profit thereby. However, if the father would benefit by being awakened, and if the son should fail to awake him he will grieve over the loss of the profit, it is the son's duty to arouse him since that will make the father happy. It is also the duty of children to arouse their father for the performance of any religious duty (which might otherwise be neglected) as all are equally bound to honor the Almighty.
  6. If the mind of his father or mother is affected, one should make every effort to indulge the vagaries of the stricken parent, until G-d will have mercy on the affected. But if the condition of the parent has grown worse and the son is no longer able to endure the strain, he may leave his father or mother provided he delegates others to give the parent proper care.
  7. When a child sees his parent violate the Torah he must not say to him "You have violated a command of the Torah"; he should rather say: "Father, is it not written in the Torah thus and thus?", speaking to him as though he were consulting him instead of admonishing him, so that the parent may correct himself without being put to shame.
  8. The Torah is rigorous not only with respect to him who strikes or curses his parents but also with him who puts them to shame. For he who treats them with contempt, even by using harsh words against them, even by a discourteous gesture, is cursed by G-d, as it is said: "Cursed be he that dishonors his father or his mother." (Deut 27:16)
  9. One must honor his parents even after their death (see supra, pp. 21ff.). When mentioning parents after their demise one should add: "May his (or her) memory be a blessing."
  10. Although children are commanded to go to the aforementioned lengths in their relationship to their parents, the parent is forbidden to impose too heavy a yoke upon them, to be too exacting with them in matters pertaining to his honor, lest he cause them to stumble. He should forgive them and shut his eyes, for a parent has the right to forego the honor due him.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

"Caregiving at Home fo an Elderly Parent"

I would like to contribute Part of an article that I found very interesting about "Caregiving at Home fo an Elderly Parent"

Honoring One's Parents (A Modern-Day Doma Ben Nesina)
More Articles By Daniel Rettter, Esq.
Daniel Rettter, Esq.
Apr 07 2009
There is hardly a Jewish child who has not been taught the story in the Talmud (Kiddushin 31a) of Doma Ben Nesina. He was the son of a jeweler who refused to wake up his sleeping father when representatives of the Beis Hamikdash (Holy Temple) came knocking on his door, wishing to buy certain precious stones for the Kohen Hagadol's breastplate (urim v'tumim).
It so happened, that the key to Nesina's diamond vault was lying under his pillow and Doma refused to wake his father, even at the cost of a fortune in a lost diamond sale. As a reward, the very next year, representatives of the Beis Hamikdash once again came to Doma, searching for a parah adumah (red heifer) that was in his father's herd. This time his father was not sleeping, and the previous year's loss was fully recouped, and then some. The Talmud lauds this selfless act of kibud av (honoring one's father and mother).
A modern version of the story may be found in a remarkable concurring opinion rendered by Judge Douglas McKeon, in a "run of the mill" landlord-tenant case, styled, Hudsoncliff Building Co. vs. Houpouridou, (New York Law Journal, Dec. 22, 2008, p. 27, col. 1, App. Tm., 1st Dep't. Decision Davis and Schoenfeld, JJ. McKeon, P.J. concurs in a separate opinion).
The landlord sued to remove Mrs. Houpouridou from her rent stabilized apartment due to the fact that she had spent several years in Greece looking after her sick mother who eventually died in Greece. Upon her mother's demise, Houpouridou sought to return to her apartment, but the landlord claimed she had abandoned it, as it was no longer her primary residence.
The decision rendered by the three-judge panel was to allow her to remain in the apartment. Moreover, one of the members of the panel, Judge Douglas McKeon, while in full sympathy with Houpouridou, not only restored her to her apartment, but in a most poignant, and yet pointed mussar statement, expounded in his concurring opinion:
"... There was a time in many cultures when the care of a sick or elderly parent by a child was the hallmark of familial responsibility. But, according to that frequently uttered refrain, times change. Mothers or fathers, sometimes both, would often live under the same roof with their offspring and the hands-on care provided would be substantial. To the outsider, considerable sacrifice seemed involved, but for the caregiver child, the care of mom and dad was the natural progression in life's journey; those who reared and raised, and gave life, would be comforted and looked after in the twilight of their own. Sad to say, as with so many old-fashioned values, adherence dims with each new generation, and parental care in some instances has been reduced to an occasional call to a nurse's aide or an infrequent, obligatory visit to a nursing home.
But there are those, undoubtedly dwindling in number who remain students of the old school, staying true to basic traditions and still giving life to words now seldomly spoke: "my mother will never go to a nursing home." (Tenant) is one of those rare individuals and her heartfelt decision to travel to Greece to be at her mother's side during a final illness should not visit upon her the draconian penalty of forfeiture of her long-held regulated apartment."

Honoring Parents - Story

Rabbi Yaakov Yitzchak of Peshischa (1766-1813), known in the chassidic world by the title "The Holy Jew" (Yid Hakadosh), had the following custom when teaching his disciples: whenever a very difficult question arose, he would concentrate very deeply, often remaining steeped in his thoughts for half an hour or more, until the answer came to him.

One day, when one of these questions came up, one of his students, a young man who was orphaned from his father, became very hungry, and decided to dart home to his mother for a quick bite while everyone waited for their rebbe to emerge from his meditative trance.

He quickly ran home and asked his mother for some food. While he ate, his mother asked him to bring down a package that she needed from the attic. Nervous about returning late, the young man told his mother he had to return right away. But as he hurried back to the study hall, the student realized what he had done: after all, isn't the study of Torah supposed to lead to fulfillment of its mitzvot? He had just missed an opportunity to fulfill the divine commandment to honor his mother!

The student did an about-face and ran back to his mother's house. He begged his mother's forgiveness and brought the package down from the attic. He then rushed back to the study hall. As soon as he entered the room, the Rebbe of Peshischa emerged from his deep thoughts, and promptly stood up to greet the young man.

Noticing that their master had stood up, all the other students also stood. The young man was quite bewildered at all of this. The rebbe then delivered his answer to the difficult question, and asked everyone to sit down. Sitting down with them, he turned to the young man and said: "Now tell us everything that happened to you."

After the young man related what had happened, the rebbe said:

"Surely you wonder why I stood up. The Talmud tells us that the great sage Abayei was an orphan from both parents. His father had passed away soon after his mother had conceived, and his mother died in childbirth. How, then, could he fulfill the command of honoring one's parents, which is one of the Ten Commandments? Therefore, whenever anyone fulfills this mitzvah properly, Abayei accompanies him.

"Since you fulfilled this mitzvah," said the Holy Jew to the fatherless student, "Abayei went with you. When you came here, Abayei came along with you, and I stood up in his honor. And it was he who gave me the answer to the difficult question..."

Sunday, June 6, 2010

In parshas kedoshim it says kedoshim tihiyu , ish imo veaviv tirau,es shabbosai tishmoru(however u spell that!)

The rebbe says that since the torah is very careful with every word it uses and were the word is put than there must be a reason why these 3 are near each other .

so lets start with kedoshim tehiyu :be holy - being holy doesn't just mean that when you daven you should be holy and when you do mitzvos you should be holy because that's sort of natural meaning its intrinsic .

so when do u have to be holy? when you do business ,eating..etc when you don't automatically look like your doing something holy or something that differentiates you as a frum jew that's when you have to be"holy"like saying a bracha on food being honest in work..etc .

so what does this have to connect with honoring our parents(which is our next commandment)?who teaches us how to be holy? -our parents and that's how the 1st 2 commandments connect.

now the last commandment es shabbosai tishmoru :keep shabbos what does that have to do with honoring parents? to answer this i will 1st explain what does it mean to keep shabbos-if you tell a non-Jew to close his store on shabbos he will say why should i... i get most of my business then but however most jews on the other hand close their store on shabbos. why ?because we yiddin have imunna in hashem that he will provide us with what we need .now who gives us this emuna and bitachon? our parents .

i hope you enjoyed, sorry if it was a bit long .and i hope that this will be a zchus for sruly to have a complete and speedy recovery

Sara chanowitz Montreal