"Caregiving at Home fo an Elderly Parent"

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Honoring One's Parents (A Modern-Day Doma Ben Nesina)
More Articles By Daniel Rettter, Esq.
Daniel Rettter, Esq.
Apr 07 2009
There is hardly a Jewish child who has not been taught the story in the Talmud (Kiddushin 31a) of Doma Ben Nesina. He was the son of a jeweler who refused to wake up his sleeping father when representatives of the Beis Hamikdash (Holy Temple) came knocking on his door, wishing to buy certain precious stones for the Kohen Hagadol's breastplate (urim v'tumim).
 
It so happened, that the key to Nesina's diamond vault was lying under his pillow and Doma refused to wake his father, even at the cost of a fortune in a lost diamond sale. As a reward, the very next year, representatives of the Beis Hamikdash once again came to Doma, searching for a parah adumah (red heifer) that was in his father's herd. This time his father was not sleeping, and the previous year's loss was fully recouped, and then some. The Talmud lauds this selfless act of kibud av (honoring one's father and mother).
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A modern version of the story may be found in a remarkable concurring opinion rendered by Judge Douglas McKeon, in a "run of the mill" landlord-tenant case, styled, Hudsoncliff Building Co. vs. Houpouridou, (New York Law Journal, Dec. 22, 2008, p. 27, col. 1, App. Tm., 1st Dep't. Decision Davis and Schoenfeld, JJ. McKeon, P.J. concurs in a separate opinion).
 
The landlord sued to remove Mrs. Houpouridou from her rent stabilized apartment due to the fact that she had spent several years in Greece looking after her sick mother who eventually died in Greece. Upon her mother's demise, Houpouridou sought to return to her apartment, but the landlord claimed she had abandoned it, as it was no longer her primary residence.
 
The decision rendered by the three-judge panel was to allow her to remain in the apartment. Moreover, one of the members of the panel, Judge Douglas McKeon, while in full sympathy with Houpouridou, not only restored her to her apartment, but in a most poignant, and yet pointed mussar statement, expounded in his concurring opinion:
 
"... There was a time in many cultures when the care of a sick or elderly parent by a child was the hallmark of familial responsibility. But, according to that frequently uttered refrain, times change. Mothers or fathers, sometimes both, would often live under the same roof with their offspring and the hands-on care provided would be substantial. To the outsider, considerable sacrifice seemed involved, but for the caregiver child, the care of mom and dad was the natural progression in life's journey; those who reared and raised, and gave life, would be comforted and looked after in the twilight of their own. Sad to say, as with so many old-fashioned values, adherence dims with each new generation, and parental care in some instances has been reduced to an occasional call to a nurse's aide or an infrequent, obligatory visit to a nursing home.
 
But there are those, undoubtedly dwindling in number who remain students of the old school, staying true to basic traditions and still giving life to words now seldomly spoke: "my mother will never go to a nursing home." (Tenant) is one of those rare individuals and her heartfelt decision to travel to Greece to be at her mother's side during a final illness should not visit upon her the draconian penalty of forfeiture of her long-held regulated apartment."